Matthew 13:44-52
44"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up; then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. 45"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, 46who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it. 47"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net which was thrown into the sea and gathered fish of every kind; 48when it was full, men drew it ashore and sat down and sorted the good into vessels but threw away the bad. 49So it will be at the close of the age. The angels will come out and separate the evil from the righteous, 50and throw them into the furnace of fire; there men will weep and gnash their teeth. 51"Have you understood all this?" They said to him, "Yes." 52And he said to them, "Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old."
This reading today really touched by heart. When we were first married 30 years ago I didn't really know how to let my husband treasure me. I was born in a time when women were taught to be independent and self sufficient. So I went to law school and became an attorney. It was months after our marriage that I even agreed to take my husband's last name. I was stuck on the fact that I would lose my identity, my ethnicity.
What does it mean to allow your husband to treasure you? I learned, or I should say I had to unlearn selfishness to allow him to love me. What does it mean for a man to love? It means he sacrifices. It means he has to lay down his life. If he is not affected by love in the way men are wired by God they are not really invested. After years of reading Theology of the Body I came to a greater understanding of how men are made by God. They have to feel that they have a mission. That's why most firemen and police men are MEN! So what's the mission in a marriage? For him to get you to Heaven! What's his mission for your family? To get his children to Heaven! This is serious stuff! It will inspire him to know his neck is on the line!
So back to being treasured. I finally let him open doors for me! I finally let him hold me tenderly on the couch! For the longest time I was so busy doing busy work in the house or with the kids that I didn't let him treasure me! I always acted like chores were more important and more mature to put first.
I had to grow in humbleness and tenderness to allow myself to be loved. I remember one Christmas I bought myself my own Christmas gifts for him to give me. I am stunned to write this down, realizing how self serving I was. Behind it all was the fear of being let down. There were wounds of my childhood that put up the wall of not allowing myself to get hurt. Being part of the feminism generation I had learned to take care of my own needs. It's such a risk to let down my guard and allow someone else to meet my needs. It was a risk I knew God was asking me to take. It's been a painful journey of trusting. And guess what? Some times he has let me down. That's the story of marriage. That's the story of being treasured. Allowing, risking another's love to soften you, to make you open and vulnerable to hurt and yet embracing the possibility of hurt, so you can heal each other and enter deeper into the mystery that God calls us to in the Sacrament of Marriage.
Let yourself be treasured! What does being treasured mean to you? Letting him brush your hair or cook for you? Letting him care for your children? Letting him take you on a secret date without knowing the details? Trusting him more? Marveling at his love for you? Giving him compliments that show admiration for his manly qualities?
In the silence of your heart take time to ask God how you can let your husband treasure you.
